Good Grolly, Miss Molly!

Posted: February 16, 2013 in Humour
Tags: , , , , , , ,

More Gs. Not too many, mind, otherwise there’d be no point in buying the book!

Gluttic (n, vb): One who is addicted yet allergic to foods high in gluten. Gluttics can be seen skulking outside Dunkin’ Donuts or Greggs before dawn, desperate for their first ‘gluttfix’ of the day. There is no known cure for this syndrome and at a certain point, when the gluttic becomes bedridden, it is necessary to employ a ‘gluttex’ to eat and regurgitate to order. Gluttexes often become gluttics themselves, thus providing employment for a new generation of unskilled school-leavers.

Gorzlefluck (n): A vegetable of accidental obscenity that belongs in a special section at Lynchinhampton Botanical Gardens. A parsnip that looks like two wide-open legs, a mango with nipples, a carrot with genitalia or a lady’s parts of shame delineated on the external minge of a coconut, perhaps. Such vegetables used to feature in the Cyril Fletcher section of That’s Life, until Cyril Fletcher became a gorzlefluck himself.

Grisham (n, Scot): An inedible piece of food. Fruit or vegetables for example.

“Whit the fuck’s this shite?”
“Eat yir fuckin grishams or ye’ll no huv any puddn.”
“Ah’m no fuckin eatin this pish.”
“Mon ahead, ya fuckin wide cunt, ye. Fuckin eat it or ye’ll nae grow ap like yir paw.”
“Paw’s in the fuckin jile.”
“Mibbe he fuckin is, but he’ll be oot fir yir sixth birthday. Ah’ve telt ye, eat yir fuckin grishams or ah’ll fuckin panel yis.”

Grolly (n): A green slimy substance found hanging from the noses of leprechauns.

Gullish 

1. (adj): The way you feel when an accidental enema occurs after a falling turd sends a splash of eau de toilette right up your open nipsy. Gullish describes the shrill screech you make which is 98% surprise and 2% pleasure. Gullism can be prevented by laying a pap baffle (two sheets of folded up toilet roll) onto the surface of the water before attempting to send Meatloaf’s daughter to the seaside.

2. (adj): Descriptive of the expression on the face of a man who has realised the “tart” he propositioned in the pub the night before is his new boss

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