C. Uh-oh…

Posted: January 26, 2013 in Humour
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

C(C,c) One of the alphabet’s most offensive letters, standing as it does for the C word. The very look of the letter, representing a receptacle on its side, is considered offensive by feminists. Dr Millicent Navratilova, of Oxford University’s Faculty of Lesbians, has campaigned long and hard for its banishment. Professor Gordon Sumner, of the City University of Newcastle upon Tyne’s Social Studies Department, describes Professor Navratilova as “a miserable old unt.”

Cadgiggle (n) [pron: cadge-iggle]: An extreme form of Whendigle; a piece of music used by folk extremists and some terrorist organizations to spread fear and unhappiness throughout civilizations in the western world whilst simultaneously undermining values and cultural standards. Over the last few hundred years, whendigle minstrels throughout the civilized world were summarily executed, so the more extreme cadgiggle existed as little more than underground rumour, emerging in watered-down forms in songs like Sir Patrick Spens and House Carpenter, or as older blues songs in the US. However, the folk boom in the late 50s/early 60s, together with a relaxation in societal values, finally allowed the cadgiggle to surface into the public domain. Woody Guthrie’s This Land is My Land was the first popular example in the US, and the cadgiggle format was subsequently elevated to an art form by Bob Dylan, who mooed out songs like Masters of War, The Gates of Eden and It’s All Over Now, Baby Blue for several years. Warrants for Dylan’s execution were quashed in 1967 by the Supreme Court after the botched motorcycle assassination attempt by the CIA, despite the extreme cadgiggle Sad Eyed Lady of the Lowlands which ended Blonde on Blonde and destroyed Dylan’s reputation forever even before he went country.

Caltic (adj): Having Irish blood at some distant point in the family history. Used as an explanation for everything from red hair to behaving like a dickhead.

Carlegious (adj. relig.): Of, or pertaining to, the perfect shade of red sought by Catholic clergy for the linings of their robes and the velvet altars of their churches to set off all the gold stuff. Until recently it was deemed that a properly carlegious lining could only be obtained from the world’s only consecrated robe-shop, Our Lady of the Immaculate Lining, a small boutique in a side alley off St Peter’s Square in the Vatican City. However, the recent Dan Brown thriller The Last Popess has led to questions being asked in higher echelons of the church after it was revealed in the novel that firstly the robe shop was blessed by accident because the pope was confused by either dementia or communion wine and had pointed his bless-y thing the wrong way, and secondly that the pope in question was not only in fact a woman but the last surviving descendant of Cleopatra. If true, this will mean that instead of spending $1,000 per square inch on carlegious linings, the clergy will be able to pick up material from branches of Remnant City and spend the difference on choirboys and beer.

Hand-Knitted Electricity – the ultimate educational tool.

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Comments
  1. skipmars says:

    These extremologous hyperbillious exploredations of verbants are graffilous!

  2. Sue says:

    Thankio foraciously, skipmars.

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