B is for…

Posted: January 24, 2013 in Humour
Tags: , , , , , ,

B(B,b) A wonderful letter which not only stands for bosoms and breasts but in its capital form actually looks like a whopping great big set of charlies seen from above (or if you’re really lucky, below). As such, there is a movement within the Puritan Society to replace it with an X, especially within the field of children’s fiction. The estate of the late author Enid Xlyton is said to be opposed to the idea, as are the descendents of Xeatrix Potter, creator of Xenjamin Xunny.

Badgast 

1. (n, prop): More commonly referred to as Badgast the Pink, Badgast was a wizard who featured in early drafts of JRR Tolkein’s Lord of the Rings. The character was written out at the insistence of Tolkein’s publishers in 1952, although it is considered by Tolkein scholars that parts of Badgast’s character later surfaced in Gandalf, who wore white or silver robes that bore magical protection enabling them to stay Daz-white in Middle Earth conditions that often resembled Glastonbury Festival in the rain. Gandalf was fond of elves, befriended young male hobbits under the age of 33 (The Shire’s age of consent), owned Shadowfax the Wonder Horse, the ponciest horse in the whole of Gondor, used Timotei shampoo under waterfalls and was not the marrying kind because he’d never found the right girl. Later editions of the Sellamillion, discovered after Tolkein’s death by his son Christopher, revealed that after Bilbo and Frodo had sailed off from the Grey Havens, Gandalf set up home with a Balrog with whom he had struck up a mutually dependant relationship in the mines of Moria.

2. (n): A guest at a social function who turns up inappropriately dressed or otherwise out of place, eg a woman arriving at an orgy wearing a bridesmaid’s dress, or a bishop at a stag party.

Hand-Knitted Electricity – more Bs than you can shake a stick at.

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Comments
  1. I have this lovely book, and dip into it every night for a chuckle – why is it not flying high in the charts? Get this on your Kindle, folks…it’s suberbly written and worth every penny.

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